20 Words And Phrases You Should Avoid Saying To Your Partner At All Costs (4 of 5)

You don’t care about me at all

Always remember – any kind of language that accuses your partner is best avoided, according to psychotherapist Erin Wiley. According to Erin, she often counsels couples to talk to each other in a non-accusatory way, which focuses more on the issue causing the conflict rather than what or how the other person behaves. For instance: instead of accusing your partner of leaving clothes in the washer because he doesn’t care about you, you could say that it angers you when he or she leaves the clothes in the washer, as she cannot use it. Simplifying the core issue and working on resolving the issue always works.

Calm down

There possibly cannot be a more condescending thing to be asked to ‘calm down’ in the middle of a heated argument, according to dating coach Shawnda Patterson. An adult needs to be treated like an adult, and telling them to calm down shows you’re dismissive of them. Further, it also shows that your partner doesn’t care about your feelings. The thing is, no sane person would want to be with a person who is dismissive of their partner’s feelings as if they are invalid.

Sorry, but…

There’s nothing more healing than saying sorry after a heated argument with your partner, but the way it is said makes a world of difference. According to Oliver, if your ‘I’m sorry’ if followed by ‘but’, it simply negates the first part completely and what follows after the but part is most of the times accusatory, or even condescending at times.

You’ve gained weight

Telling your partner that they have put on weight just goes on to damage his or her self-esteem, and can end up making them feel self-conscious about their body for the rest of their lives. According to relationship expert Esme Oliver, there are thousands of other ways to communicate to your partner regarding your concern about their health, rather than flat out saying that they have put on weight! For instance, you can simply suggest that both of you should start eating healthy, or take bike rides once in a while. This will help in getting the desired results without affecting your partner’s self-esteem.