8 Steps To Overcome Commitment Issues
One of the biggest relationship questions people ask is “Am I with the right person?” It’s a big question that comes at some point in a relationship and it takes different shapes.
“Will this last?”
“Am I settling?”
“Is one person enough for a lifetime?”
No matter how you phrase this question in your head, it all points back to one thing: commitment issues.
We get it though. Committing to one person for life is not an easy decision. It’s scary, daunting and terrifying. In 2018, a study by eHarmony found one of the top three reasons millennials struggle with commitment are:
- Uncertainty if the partner is right for them.
- Fear of opening up and getting hurt.
- Lack of confidence in their ability to maintain a relationship.
Regardless of your age, these uncertainties, fears, and anxieties plague people young and old, male or female. Men more so than women fear commitment due to the potential of finding “better” options later.
Why commit right now when “the one” could be right around the corner? Clearly it’s a gamble men are willing to take. Pair that up with men’s natural instinct to withdraw, and you can see some of the reasons men struggle to commit more so than women.
Women on the other hand are pursuers. They criticize or find faults in people to avoid conflict. They find logical reasons to not commit is what we mean. But it’s this particular trait that women have that makes commitment such a challenging part of a relationship.
So to help with that, here are some steps to consider in helping you overcome commitment fears.
First, Take Responsibility
You’re not going to get anywhere if you’re not taking responsibility. In order to do this, it’s important that you discern between relationship anxiety and your own intuition.
When looking at your fear of being with the wrong person, this can either be an omen or an intuition. If you’re holding to the belief that you’d be better with another person, you could be twisting your thoughts and words in such a way where you’re wriggling out of responsibility.
Instead, look at the root of your questions. If you’re finding faults, wonder why you are noticing those over anything else. Ask yourself whether your partner is good, attractive, smart, or witty enough for you? Because that’s a better question than “Am I enough?”
The key is to see your doubt as opportunities to ask yourself questions. Doubt raises red flags, but it’s worth addressing them, as they are what cause us to doubt relationships with other people.
Second, Redefine Monogamy
In relationships, defining words and boundaries is important. They set the tone for the relationship and will help you to determine whether the person is right for you. But one other thing we’d recommend is to go back and begin to redefine some things.
In particular: monogamy.
Consider this definition of monogamy: a really deep surrender to what each of you is.
We suggest this because those who believe there is more to discover about themselves with their partner are more satisfied than those losing interest in their partner.
This makes sense when you consider the needs of a relationship. When needs aren’t being met, we begin to look elsewhere to satisfy that needs. As such, it’s key that when needs aren’t being met, we look for ways to keep those close to us even closer.
Third, Set Realistic Expectations
As we mentioned above, setting boundaries and discussing them is important. Expectations follow this same thing. Of course, expectations can change over time and they should. A choir doesn’t have to sing a single song to thrive.
All the same, people are going to have uncertainties and debate over decisions. The key to remember is that while our expectations will shift, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with the relationship. Discuss things and steer the relationship. Both of you are at the helm.