9 Essential Tips For Dating When You’re In Your 30s
The older we get the more our age can come off as a shock for us. Some more so than others as some of us realize that we’re still single. And while this realization may cause us to get back into dating, there is one thing that you should know: dating when you’re older is different than dating when you were younger.
Since your last attempt at dating, you probably have more baggage you’re carrying and your field is narrower. Chances are also likely a lot of people in your inner circle are already married, so you may feel pressure from there. Not to mention pushing yourself to interact with people outside of your initial circle.
With all of this in mind, here are some essential tips to keep in mind for future dates and dating attempts.
Focus On Enjoying Yourself
When we get older, we often dwell on the things that we don’t have yet. Some of us expect to be married, have kids, a nice house, and a stable income, but that’s not always going to be the case.
Wanting those things in our lives is okay and all, but if we focus so much on what we don’t have, we can forget what we do have in our lives. This applies to dating as we can also imagine our ideal soulmate rather than who that person actually is.
Instead of imagining all of that, devote time to enjoying yourself and getting to know the person more. Dating should be a fun experience regardless of how old you are.
Remind Yourself That Age Is Only A Number
Just because you’re older you may think that only people within your age group will be the only ones interested in you. But that’s not always the case.
People can find love regardless of age and sometimes younger individuals can see the appeal in dating or marrying older individuals.
They’re wiser, have gone through life longer and have experienced more with life.
At the end of the day, remind yourself that age is a number and focus more on people’s personalities.
Move Away From The Past
On the same vein as age, it’s important that we’re not caught up in the past. This means rethinking our attitude towards age, but also letting go of past mistakes. We’ve no doubt had some rocky relationships and have experienced heartbreak.
The key is to let all of that go and not let it get to you. By this point in our lives, we probably have a skeleton or two in our closet anyway. The point is why should that matter now?
Prioritize the present and look forward to what is developing and happening next.
Remember To Be Vulnerable, Not Jaded Or Bitter
For those who struggle to make relationships work, it’s important that we be vulnerable and open up. It’s natural for us to be on the defensive side with things, especially if we’ve been hurt in the past.
Instead, take the time to get to know the other person and build your relationship with them. And once you’ve gotten to know them and you and them are into one another, be sure to let your guard down.
This is a better attitude to have than being jaded or bitter. While those emotions are certainly warranted in some cases, negative thinking can get the best of you. So while you’re getting to know someone, don’t go into being negative. You will never find your soulmate if you are being cynical all the time.
Dump Your Bias Towards Divorce
Divorce is a painful word for people and when you’re dating at this age, chances are some of them have gone through them. This makes sense since the divorce rate within America is roughly 42% to 50%.
But instead of being dejected about the whole thing, consider it as an advantage. If the person you are dating has gone through a divorce, there is a good chance that they learned a lot from the experience.
What this means is that they can then apply this knowledge into the next relationship they have.
As a general rule, when discussing marriage, don’t pry for details. While you may want to know what happened, let them open up to you about it.
Remember To Communicate
You may have heard this piece of advice before, but it is still as relevant as ever: communication is key. It becomes even more important now as most people your age would be looking for something more serious.
As such, you want to make sure that you can speak openly and with honesty to your significant other. At the same time, they too should be able to talk with no issues. After all, if you’re not talking about your problems, it’s going to be tougher to move forward.
Be Aware Of What You Want & Avoid Time Wasters
Before attempting dating, it’s important that you spend time knowing what you want in your partner. When you were younger, you had expectations about your partner. But now that you’re older, those expectations may be nice, but there is more that you’d need.
Our point is that you want to spend time looking at yourself and figuring out what kind of partner you can jive with. After all, now that you’re older, we can imagine you want to have more serious relationships than one-time flings.
This also helps you to avoid time wasters as well. It only takes a handful of dates to determine whether you’re into someone or not. If you run into that, remember that life is short and focus on your other priorities. It’s either that or spending time with someone you don’t want to spend time with.
And you wouldn’t want that right?
But Also Remember To Stay True To Yourself
As the younger folk say “you do you.” The idea is to not pretend to be someone who you aren’t. As the relationship continues on, people slowly begin to reveal more about themselves. So it’s better if you own who you are right now and be comfortable in your own skin.
After all, being comfortable with who you are is more attractive than playing up to be someone you’re not.
By extension of that, it’s also important to trust your gut instinct. If something feels off, make sure you do the honest thing and speak up and talk about it. Your gut instinct isn’t something that will lead you astray.
It’s Okay To Not Settle, But Don’t Do It For “The One”
If you’re not completely and fully committed to someone, there is no problem at all with not tying the knot and keeping things the way things are. Often times, relationships go sour when there is this expectation that you need to tie the knot.
That being said, you do want to be mindful of why you’re not settling down with anyone. We say this because often times some people don’t tie the knot because they’re waiting out for “The One.”
It’s the term used to describe the perfect partner. The thing is though, those don’t exist. There are bound to be some quirks that rub you the wrong way. So keep in mind that you do have to make compromises.