16 Ways How You Might Be Possibly Ruining Your Relationship With Your Child!
The only thing constant with kids is change! This not just means all about what they like and what they don’t, but also how we involve in this relationship as parents. Not eating dinner together; feeling difficult moving on following an argument; intervening at the slightest of their uneasiness and not letting them evolve themselves. If these attributes are what you too have been acknowledging, your relationship needs to be worked upon and step back lest things become worse is what you need to do as the needful. If you still haven’t realized it, here is what mental experts have to say about how you might unknowingly be ruining this relationship:
Your mood affecting the mutual relationship
Slipping off a smile through your tedious schedule and annoyance of a rough schedule might sound indifferent, but one should know that children are quite sensitive to the emotions of their parents, and more of the negativities. As such, frequent apathetic interaction with them adds to damaging your relationship. In Amanda Lopez’s words, who is a family counselor in California, asking yourself whether the way you act seeing your child walking in a room, with you ignoring them instead of being happy is what you do, there needs something to be done to, probably fake it till you achieve that bliss, and that doesn’t even need a lot of effort – just a little smile or a loving look would do the required. Everyone needs acknowledgment, and children are no exception to it, instead, they want and need even more of it! On a tough day, making peace with your grudges and setting them aside before interacting with children is what a healthy relationship demands, and that is what would add to your happy relationship with the child.
Mismanaging your children’s tantrums
If they are children, they will show tantrums, and that is what most parents fail to deal effectively with. But to Lopez, more tantrums indicate a flaw in the connection a child should have with their parents. For this, she suggests mirroring the child’s emotions while putting those emotions into words, like instead of holding them responsible for their frustration over not going to bed, correct yourself by saying that it is okay being frustrated when they do not want to do something, but it is the time they should be in bed. Providing them with an alternative option to choose from makes them learn to soothe themselves, and eventually will reduce their emotions from venting out.
Not getting the required quality time along with each other
Of these all ways of containing your relationship, the most important one is spending time together, quality time to be more specific! This act of yours could provide you with many opportunities to teach your children what you expect them to know and learn from you – be it moral values, lessons for life, forming a deep bond with your children; These times spent together also redouble your understanding of each other. Quality time is quite much a broad aspect, which means it could be anything you desire – playing some game, reading stories together, sports, or even simpler things such as talking how your day went render the needful. The compulsion is just to be attentive and staying present when you are together. Even being alongside them, cause if you are attending to something else – you both are missing each other, Lopez explains.
Not knowing your child’s interests
Building up relationships involves knowing each other, and what better way could there be than knowing what your child is interested in; how their mind works; what they find interesting. If you could not figure out how to converse with your child about their hobbies and interests, it might be a signal that you are not spending quality time together, or are not paying attention to them. Those little details of their life – how they made a friend, how much they enjoyed a class, whom they argued with, who they don’t like. These small things might be not so worthwhile for you, but to them, it’s their life. Mendez suggests to ask them how their day went, and not just ask – be excited in listening to their tales, sow interest in those stories as much they show in narrating them.
Not talking to children concerning your feelings
The ability of naming and processing one’s feelings is one of those traits that children, for the most part, learn at home. On the parents’ part, modeling “name it to tame it” their feelings for themselves keeping in view their children plays a role, as was stated by a New York child specialist Lucia Garcia Giurgiu. While dumping adult problems on the kids, even though they are ready to listen to them, doesn’t seem worthy, sharing your difficult moments at the right age only strengthens the bond. This will not only help you refine in their vision, but also train them to safely deal with their negativities.