Get Over These 9 Relationship Deal Breakers In 2020 If You Want A Healthy Relationship
If you are someone who always has that long list of nonstarters in mind every time you are thinking about a relationship – whether starting one or staying in one – you might be actually believing that you are just setting the right bar that every self-respecting person would. But is it really that? Or this long list of nonstarters is actually a kind of self-sabotage that is keeping you away from having any kind of healthy, meaningful relationships?
It is time to reconsider your relationship deal breakers – whether it is related to lifestyle choices, physical traits, or even finances. In this article, we break down every obstacle that might be keeping you apart from having a healthy relationship – and why it is in your best interests to get over these nonstarters already.
Your experiences or tastes do not match
We understand the fact that people like to have partners who have the same tastes in life. However, that isn’t always a good thing to do. The thing is, you already are in love with yourself – so it shouldn’t be a cause of concern if you cannot find a partner who turns out to be exactly a replica of you.
According to Malena Crawford, a life coach, love doesn’t have to be between two people who think and feel alike. In fact, it works just as well when both the partners have different interests, experiences, and tastes, as long as they are on the same page when it comes to the most important things: vision, values, and standards. Having a partner who has different tastes and experiences than you also opens up great opportunities for you and your partner to learn from one another and celebrate your individuality at the same time.
You are amazing – but you certainly do not need a replica of yourself as your life partner in order to find happiness in a relationship.
They need different amount of solo time
You might be of a firm opinion that since your potential partner needs a different amount of alone time than you do, you both are automatically incompatible. It doesn’t work that way. The key here is effective communication between both of you in order to make it work.
Each and every person has a different comfort level with solo time. For someone, it could mean a few hours every week. To another person, it could mean some hours every two or three days. It all depends on how you manage and communicate about your requirements with your partner that finally matters.
You have starkly different hobbies
Again, you should see a partner having different interests and hobbies as an ocean of opportunities rather than a drawback. When your partner has a different set of hobbies, it also gives you an opportunity to try out new things and enjoy your life and relationship even more.
According to relationship expert Tammy Shaklee, one needs to enjoy their partner’s hobbies and broaden the scope of one’s own life in the process. For instance, if your potential partner loves surfing, sailing, or mountain climbing, it could certainly be a good idea for you to also try out these new adventures. Similarly, your partner can perhaps learn a bit about salsa from you or some of other interests that you have.
They have a different tolerance level for clutter than you do
Every person in the world has a different level of “acceptability” when it comes to clutter and cleanliness in the house – and yes, it may sound a bit frightful for a lot of people. However, communicating with your partner and setting expectations can help in bridging that gap to quite an extent, and preventing it from being a relationship deal breaker.
According to relationship expert Robert Kendall, when either partner tells the other person how they want the home to be, it can destroy a relationship in no time. On the other hand, finding that common tolerance level for the amount of clutter that can be acceptable, dishes in the sink, and where the dirty laundry needs to be kept, goes a long way in ensuring no one loses their sanity over trivial stuff.
They have debt
Everyone wants a partner who is financially responsible. However, even if minor amounts of debt make you run away from a potential partner, you should think twice before doing that.
According to Stefanie O’Connell Rodriguez, a personal finance author, understanding the context behind the debt is far more important before making it a relationship deal breaker, irrespective of whether it is a credit card debt or unpaid student loans. For instance, a layoff, unexpected illness or an accident can also make that debt appear direr on paper than it actually is.
This is precisely why one needs to hear out and understand the complete story before one treats any sort of debt as a deal breaker. In fact, the deal breaker should be your potential partner’s unwillingness to even discuss it or address the issues that led to that debt in the first place, rather than the debt itself.
You both have different libidos
Sex is definitely one of the most important things one looks for while finding a potential mate. However, one also needs to keep the fact in mind that our libido is constantly changing – and you should keep this fact in mind before you make it a deal breaker about a potential mate.
According to Kendall, relationships start with both the partners having a very high libido. It is a lot of fun, excitement, and hotness as both feed off each other’s energies that stems from a new relationship. However, after a few months pass, that exciting play can now turn into a habitual play and decrease libido in either of the partners – or sometimes, both. In such a scenario, it is advisable that both people should communicate what their expectations and desires are, and how they can find a way to make it work. In the end, it is more about how both people find a way to make their relationship work.
They want pets
For starters – humans always outlive their pets – and you are in for the long game in this case. Further, you might actually end up finding something you didn’t expect from a relationship with pets.
You aren’t a dog person? Well, plan a few dates and visit some dog parks, breed meetups, or even Facebook groups. The idea is to explore what your partner’s interests are, and then try out those things for yourself to see if it works for you or not, rather than dismissing it outright as a deal breaker.
They are way too short (or tall)
If you are not at all flexible on your standards for minimum height requirements, you are actually missing out on the magic that is right in front of your eyes.
According to Tammy Shaklee, it is alright to have an ideal height requirement in mind, but it shouldn’t be absolute. The key here is to widen your search and while there is a strong human instinct behind why we have a height standard, it is always a better idea to look for what height range makes you comfortable for attachment and intimacy. He goes on to add that one should focus on the person more, rather than his or her life, especially if they are enjoying their lives to the fullest at that size.
They are way too old for you
Age is definitely more than just a number, but it isn’t as important as it used to be a hundred years ago. Turning 60 or 70 years old in today’s time doesn’t mean what it used to, a few decades ago.
According to Shaklee, if your focus is on the age, rather than the actual person, your focus is at the wrong place. You should be looking at the health, vibrancy, and wellness of your potential partner instead – not the age. If you both can adjust to and make certain changes in your lives, you can enjoy many more years of your life together.