7 Things You Should Never Do Post-Breakup
The relationship is over. Finished. Donezo. You tried your best, but there is no more hope in saving it. No matter how many times you’ve experienced a breakup, it never gets any easier. As a result, when you’re feeling super sad about being dumped, you might act out in ways that are neither rational nor healthy. No matter how depressed and vulnerable you are feeling, there are 7 things that you absolutely should not do after a breakup.
1. Insisting on having the closure talk too soon
You know how an exit interview works, right? When you leave for a different job, you explain to your supervisor the reasons for it so that they might gain some insight. Similarly, the closure talk is when you and your ex discuss everything you want to say – including apologies, if necessary — so that you can move on with your lives. Although this is a very mature thing to do, you should wait until your heart has fully healed before you have this discussion whether it is in person, on the phone, or an email. We recommend giving it a few months so that the bitterness is gone and wounds aren’t reopened.
2. Cyberstalking the ex or their new guy/girl
Let’s face it: no good comes out of scrolling through your ex’s social media account. Every happy photo that they post will just make you feel worse than you already do. You should also resist the temptation to stalk their new boyfriend/girlfriend via social media. They have every right to be involved with your former lover, as he/she is no longer in your life. Unfriending, unfollowing, and even uninstalling are the ways to go.
3. Going to “your” places
By returning to those cafes, parks, and other places that you and your ex called your own, you’ll only find yourself nostalgically reminiscing about all the sweet moments together. As a result, your heart will only ache more and you’ll miss them more than you ought to. If you do go back to those old haunts, it should be to create new memories, not relive the old ones. For instance, the restaurant that you used to frequent with him/her could be the hangout spot to get burgers and wings with your friends.
4. Isolating yourself
Given how miserable you feel immediately after that break up, it’s natural for you to want to stay at home and deal with the pain by laying in bed for the rest of the day. You aren’t in any mood to interact with anybody. You might even call in sick from work. But after a couple of days of mourning, you need to pick yourself up and return to living. Your closest friends need to know that you’re okay, and you can certainly rely on them to help you feel better. Do the things you enjoy doing and while you’re at it, start a new chapter in your life by picking up a new hobby or two!
5. Chasing down a rebound
Rebounds are only good on the basketball court, not in the sphere of relationships. Those quick rebounds are among the worst things you can do for yourself and the new guy/girl you’re dating. First, just being with someone so that you don’t feel lonely anymore is extremely shallow and very desperate. You are throwing all of your typical standards out the window. It also puts your new flame in an impossible position: they are supposed to sympathize with the fact that you were dumped, which makes them feel like they are nothing more than the consolation prize.
6. Hitting the bottle
Your life is a complete mess now, so you might as well drink away your sorrows, right? It might produce temporarily feelings of happiness (or at least indifference to your situation), but as soon as you sober up after the hangover, you’re still left with the problem of how to cope with the breakup. Coming up with a positive plan of action rather than numbing the pain is the way to go.
7. Vengeful thinking
Unless you’re married to the person you began dating when you were 12 or you’ve never been in a relationship at all, you know there is very little in life that causes as much pain as a breakup. But this doesn’t mean you have the right to lash out at your ex. They are most likely feeling hurt too because, after all, they did love you once. But no matter how egotistical we might feel, everybody has the right to decide whether they want to remain in a relationship with us or not. Will the idea of them suffering really make you feel any better? Nope. It will only mean that you aren’t over them.