Dakota Johnson’s Most Off-the-Rails Interview Moments (3 of 5)

She mailed gorilla poop to a friend’s ex

At this stage, we’re all aware that Dakota has a unique sense of humor, but nobody was expecting the surprise twist during a Vanity Fair lie-detector interview in connection with Materialists. She was asked whether she’d actually sent a gallon of gorilla feces to a guy who had broken her friend’s heart. After appearing amused by the question, Johnson confirmed that this was indeed a thing that happened, stating, “I mean, there’s no way that he would watch this, so, yes, I did do that.”

How is that even possible? As Dakota explained, there are websites where people can purchase animal feces and have it mailed to someone. She didn’t seem to have any regrets about the incident, which had apparently happened years earlier. If anything, she appeared to regard it as an old prank that had simply resurfaced at the worst possible moment.

She dreamt about asparagus with bad intentions

Johnson is known for having a lively imagination, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she has the weirdest dreams ever. During an appearance on Amy Poehler’s Good Hang podcast, she described a dream involving The 1975’s Matty Healy, who was going on a killing spree. Somehow, that aspect of the dream was actually the most normal part. According to Johnson, when people tried to hunt Healy down, he had the ability to transform into a piece of asparagus. Eventually, she discovered him in a bed alongside Angelina Jolie, who had also become asparagus because, of course.

The dream concluded with the two vegetable versions of Healy and Jolie throwing a spectacular wedding before flying away together in a helicopter. The dream alone was ridiculous, but the fact that Dakota was telling it with the casualness of someone recounting what they’d ordered at Starbucks was pure gold.