11 Science-Based Tips To Make Your First Date A Perfect One
The world of dating is complicated, but one of the biggest hurdles is getting that first date. After that, you’ve got to consider what the two of you will be doing at that date.
As nerve wracking as it is, you do want to make a plan. This will ensure the date goes smoothly and that both of you have a great time together. To help with that, we’ve compiled a list of 11 tips that will help you through this. These tips are backed by scientific evidence and putting these into practice will ensure that your date goes great.
Go For The Neutral, Low-Pressure Place First
Location is everything for the first date, as it sets the tone for who you are and for your future dates. In most situations, you’ll want to be picking a neutral and low-pressure place. Always go for this tip, unless you have chatted with the person for a while and have a good understanding of them.
What these kinds of locations do is help individuals focus more on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you two can connect.
This option is better than the alternative of picking out a nice place and figuring out a few minutes in that it’s not going to work very well between the two of you. It’s awkward and difficult in that situation, since you’re going to have to stick around for the whole meal.
So instead of going with your traditional dinner and a movie, suggest a more neutral location like a local bar or a coffee shop. This casual environment puts more focus on engaging conversations with one another and doesn’t put any extra pressure on anyone involved.
The beauty of this sort of environment is that if things aren’t working out well, you can leave after the first drink. If you find the conversation is going well, you can extend the time.
Aim For Engaging Conversations Over Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
Whether you are quiet in general or suffer from social anxiety, a lot of those issues start to creep up when you go on a date with someone you barely know. Fortunately, psychologists have uncovered the key to strong dating conversations.
Study after study has found that when going on a date – especially with a woman – make a point of not dropping cheesy pick-up lines. Instead – aim for interesting conversations. Those studies found that women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly.
Instead, they are more attracted to those who can spark a conversation and show that they are curious, intelligent, and cultured.
If you’re stuck on what to ask to give that impression, Professor Dan McAdams compiled a list of thirty-six questions that can help you understand a person on a deeper level.
If you don’t want to read through that list, here are three great ones to consider asking:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
- What’s your most treasured memory?
- What would constitute a perfect day for you?
Feel free to change the phrasing of these, so it sounds more natural to you. Also, you’ll want to pay attention to the moment when you’re asking these questions.
Aside from that, a few other things to note is to use reciprocity if you want a successful conversation. When someone shares something about themselves or asks you a question, reply back by sharing a similar story or by asking them the same question. You can also show gratitude as well by saying “thank you for asking” before answering. The key is to be polite and keep the conversation equal.
The other thing to keep in mind is that you are in the right mind going into the date. There are a lot of things you can’t control – such as chemistry, compatibility, or attraction – however you can control how mentally prepared you are.
If you start to panic or get nervous or feel you’re not worthy of this date, those feelings will carry throughout the duration of the date.
Grow From Your Past
One thing that can provide a mental blockade is the baggage. In the case of most people dating, they’ve got some of that baggage. The thing is, many people dwell so much on those past experiences that they’re unable to date. That or they’re a mess when trying to.
Instead, it’s smarter that you focus on what you can learn from those experiences.
You want to be asking yourself questions such as whether you’ve engaged in unkind or unfair behaviours on your dates at some point? Is there something you could’ve done back then to improve the situations that you’ve faced?
By accepting some of the blame and growing from that experience, you’re able to turn those bad experiences into opportunities to grow yourself.
Don’t Be Afraid To Look At How You Present Yourself
Understanding how you present yourself and how others view you is another crucial aspect of a great date. This is especially true if you’re diving into online dating, since people can check your profile as many times as they like before saying yes.
While we’ll have a biased opinion of ourselves, if you want a more objective view of your online self, ask a friend to evaluate your online profile. Once you get that feedback, consider the “why?” behind that feedback.
Why do you think they have the impression they do?
Why do you think that impression does or doesn’t match up with what you intended?
Why do you hope to give off the kind of impression you are going for?
These are the key questions to be asking yourself when looking at yourself from an objective view. The crazy thing is that everything that you post will contribute to the various vibes. From profile pictures to the words you use to describe yourself, these all determine what vibe you’re conveying.