8 Signs You’re Going on a Date Out of Pity

With so much mean-spiritedness going on in the world today, little acts of kindness are appreciated now more than ever. On the other hand, there are times when our good intentions have a way of backfiring. This is especially true when you find yourself going on a pity date. 

What exactly is a pity date? It’s when you agree to get together with somebody you aren’t interested in either because you’d feel guilty turning them down or you feel sorry for them. Ultimately, these dates are bad for both parties because it only delays the inevitable: you’ll end up rejecting them at some point anyway. 

With that in mind, here are 8 signs that you’re on a pity date.

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1. You aren’t excited about being there 

When somebody asks you out and you’re legitimately interested in them, it’s a wonderful feeling. You get butterflies. You start thinking about where you’ll go and, of course, what you’ll do. You just can’t wait to see them. On the other hand, if you have hesitations, are otherwise unsure if they’re worth your time, but decide to go through with the date anyway, it’s a clear sign you just don’t know how to say “no” even though you want to. 

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2. The chemistry is nonexistent

The reason you’d typically go on a date with somebody is because you felt some initial chemistry when you first met them. There’s a certain amount of connectedness, and you are eager to find out more about their lives, interests, and everything else that makes them tick. But if you get the sense that they’re a boring person or quickly realize you have nothing in common, but stick with it, you’re definitely on a pity date. 

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3. Too many moments of awkwardness

No matter how good a date is going, there are bound to be awkward moments of silence or topics that your date might find less interesting to talk about. It could be due to shyness or needing some time to warm up to someone you don’t know. But if your date is trying their best to keep the conversation going but you aren’t putting in any effort yourself, it’s pretty obvious you don’t want to be there. 

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4. You feel superior to them

Let’s admit it: from time to time we encounter people who we feel are below our standards. Perhaps they aren’t as educated, don’t have the kind of life experiences that earn our respect, or are less attractive than the kind of people we’d typically go out on a date with. We hint that we’re doing them a favor by giving them even an ounce of attention. Frankly, we’d rather be anywhere else, but don’t want to be honest with them about it. It might seem cruel, but it is what it is. 

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5. You turn down their gifts

Rejecting a guy or girl’s gift isn’t a sign in itself that you’re pity dating someone. For instance, you might not feel comfortable accepting a pricey gift on the initial date even if you’re otherwise interested in them. Or you might be the type who feels happier giving gifts rather than receiving. Nonetheless, if you’re turning down an item or insisting on splitting the bill because you don’t want to give them the impression that they have a chance with you, it’s a pity date. 

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6. You’re acting really saccharine

Do you feel guarded with your date? Are you choosing your words carefully? Are you acting super sweet and laughing at jokes you don’t get or stories you find pointless? On occasion this could be a sign that you actually like them and want to give them a chance, but more likely than not this fakeness that you’re exhibiting is an indication that you just don’t want to leave them feeling bad. 

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7. You get easily distracted

When you’re on a date with somebody you really like, your attention remains fully on them. The conversation flows and the hours feel like minutes. When the opposite is true, the date seems to drag on forever and you find yourself looking around at the other patrons, fiddling around with your smartphone and just really looking forward to the date ending. Pity date? You betcha!

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8. You don’t want alone time with them

You give them your number and agree to go out on a date, but you insist on inviting a friend and his/her partner to make it a double date. Or even just the friend, in which case there’s no question you are uncomfortable with the idea of hanging out alone with this person. When they ask you out a second time and you’re still hesitant to meet with them one-on-one, you have no interest in them.