Major Reasons Why Women Cheat, According To Experts
Cheating while being in a relationship is a big no-no, but despite that, coming across cheating partners is not that uncommon! Though it might seem like a hurtful mindless act on the surface, there is a lot that might be going in the mind of the cheater. Read on to find the reason that your woman might be seeking something more than you can offer.
The most common misconception that can be there is that men cheat more often than women – but that’s not the case at all. Sadly enough, both genders cheat by more or less the same. While the number might be the same, the reasons can be a whole different story.
More often than not, it could be a lack of passion or love in the relationship with the primary partner, seeking a sexual variance or even factors based on situations like being on a vacation or getting so drunk that the ability to take the decision is affected.
The famous dating site for married couples, Ashley Madison recently made headline causing waves regarding the infidelity situation. It is a revolutionary dating site made for people who are on the lookout for an extramarital affair. The site released data saying that the first few months are the hardest for couples and they see a rise in customers during January and mostly continuing till February; making these the most profitable months for the website. Not only that, but the rate of filing for divorce is also subsequently higher post-holidays. Most lawyers see a hike in the divorce rate after major holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Confirming this statistic is USA Today, which also believes that mid-January is the peak divorce season! And if you’re looking to avoid reaching that point in your relationship and making sure your partner doesn’t ride the infidelity train read on – read on!
Women who cheat are severely frowned up and here is the first reason why they might pursue cheating despite the backlash that they might receive if and when they are caught.
Even though the apparent differences are very low between why a man cheats and what motivates a woman to cheat, it is common for people to believe that men have a higher percentage of chance to cheat while in a relationship. A most common explanation is higher sex drive and how most men are incapable of ‘keeping it in their pants’ , but studies show that despite what the adage says, these misconceptions do not have a lot of value attached to them.
Weighing in on the situation is Zhana Vrangalova, who is a ‘sexpert’ with a Ph. D working at LELO while also being a Professor of Human Sexuality working at New York University. According to her, in a traditional sense, men are very likely to cheat due to the need for sexual variety or a situation being presented to them, while women just might be unhappy in the relation. While such traditional dialogue might still be true, the gap between the genders’ cheating is diminishingly small with the newer generations. ‘Not only is the rate but even the reasons for taking part in infidelity are pretty much common’, Dr. Zhana noted.
A study conducted recently showed that men had higher chances of cheating due to sexual desires and need for a variety or just because they were drunk (situational factors).
While there might be some variations, the three most observed reasons that both genders followed can be summed very easily. They are lack of having love, need for variety, and lastly – situational factors that present themselves.
Common to find that sexually motivated reasons are why a good chunk of women cheat
Dr. Alicia Walker, who is a Ph. D and the assistant professor of sociology at The Missouri State University shared some valuable inputs. She has spent a whole year interviewing ladies who seeked extramarital affairs and has shared all her findings in a book she wrote called ‘The Secret Life Of Cheating Women’. Her research added weight to the theory that women mostly cheat looking for sexual variety.
One might think if they aren’t enough for their partners and in this case, it is pretty much the opposite, as per her book. Alicia discovered that due to wanting to be with their primary partner, women start to outsource sexual pleasure. We can all agree that a person’s sexual needs are as important as any other and when they aren’t being fulfilled, women seek out. So to not break apart their family or their primary partner’s heart, most women do not ask for sexual pleasure. They might go months or even years suppressing their needs, but after much effort and years of attempts to better situations with no results, they start looking outside. This decision is usually not taken lightly, but rather with in-depth thought.
Dissatisfaction with you might cause her to cheat
Another pretty straightforward point is that they are unsatisfied. Sometimes, women might not be doing it to save the relations, but rather to take out some frustration being caused due to being stuck in the relationship in some manner. ‘They just might want to blow that relationship up’, says Charlynn Ruan, a Ph. D and also a clinical psychologist. She is the founder of the Thrive Psychology Group, which is a practice conducted in a group focusing on women, based in California. In their current relation, the partner might seem like someone who is stifling, unavailable emotionally or just controlling, but appear nice and sweet on the surface. Women might make a suggestion that focuses on change, like getting couples therapy. They might even attempt to push for growth or ask to be fulfilled emotionally, but if these measures aren’t met with results, they often resort to seeking validation elsewhere. Hence, giving their partner a reason to end the relationship.
Dr. Ruan says that this is commonplace. She believes that the narrative often unconsciously goes like this: The guy is nice, but the woman is miserable. Hence, something must be wrong with the woman. So acting out is the only solution these women find.
In heterosexual relations, it is common to find that women have higher rates of initiating divorce than men. Subsequently, they are also relatively happier than their counterparts after the divorce is finalized. Despite these numbers, women struggle with the guilt of leaving or abandoning a partner who might need them. They feel like their happiness is not enough reason to escape and quit the relations and when them leaving their partners is not justified, they seek out cheating.
A style of relation called ‘Insecure Attachment’ is when the partner is not completely ready to leave, so they end up acting out. Cheating then starts, meaning keeping their options wide open while ensuring that they are not abandoned or left hurt in the process. Mark Williams of LMHC is a relationship coach working at Relish. He notes that the need that these people have for feeling secure and safe is very high. When threatened, like maybe during a fight with their significant other, they might end up overcompensating and seeking validation. Their need for attention is something that can be fixed, which is what people like Mark hope to do. They work with various styles of attachment, insecure one being one of them and they can find ways of regulating and keeping the couple’s emotions in check.
So now that we know why someone might cheat, here are a few ways of nipping the evil in the bud by looking for signs. Read on to make sure you aren’t missing out on these signs of cheating!
There will always be a clue if you might feel like your partner is weighing the idea of starting an extramarital affair or might have started one! Three big indicators are sudden protectiveness or secrecy with their phones, excessive expenditure with huge amounts of cash withdrawals or being away for most of the time.
Board-certified psychologist, Kathy Nickerson, who is a Ph. D believes that if your girlfriend is unable to share their locations and whereabouts during the day or might be evasive about this topic, it just might be a clue! Randomly going on an innocent coffee date or continuously meeting people they haven’t mentioned before is another alarming clue to be on the lookout for. A big red flag would be being wacky when it comes to their phone. Locked screen, keeping it on their person or using it while being in the bathroom taking a shower is common tell-tale signs.
Relationships can require hard work and open communication channels. Be on the lookout for these signs and here’s hoping you have nothing to worry about!