Seventh, Work On Being Less Defensive
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As mentioned above, successful relationships focus on the greater whole. They thrive by discussing things in a non-defensive manner. With this in mind, you must learn how to talk in a non-defensive way.
Here is how you can do that:
- When making observations, use “I” statements and avoid “always” and “never”. If your partner struggles to clean up after themselves say “I noticed the place hasn’t been cleaned.” This is better than “You always leave a mess.”
- You can also put in emotions. Tell your partner how their action or inaction made you feel.
- Lastly, make specific requests, rather than constant criticisms. For example “Can you put your phone away when talking to me?” Is better than “You never listen to me!”
Lastly, Commit To The Process
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The final step is committing to the process, as well as the person. Relationships are works in progress constantly, so it’s not just a matter of committing to the person in front of you and leaving it at that.
It’s important you commit to the process and are willing to work through things together. With this in mind, it’s key to remember that people can change over time. Not that we should force people to change, but being around people and developing habits can make impacts on other peoples lives.
Every action creates a ripple effect for other people. As such, it’s important that we persist in a relationship within reason.
