17 Signs That Show That A Marriage Isn’t Going To Work, According To Wedding Planners
Weddings are great and fun, but not every couple that says those magical words at the altar will be lucky enough to enjoy a lifetime of happiness. Even though the wedding itself may go off without much drama in the eyes of the guests, there are ample red flags that can go on to become major roadblocks in the couple’s journey together.
And who is best suited to spot these signs that the marriage wouldn’t last than the very people who plan every aspect of that occasion – the wedding planners. They get to spend weeks and months before a couple’s wedding, and they get to observe how a couple reacts to stressful moments and how they compromise on certain things (or don’t), and how the two families get together.
According to Maya Tarach, a wedding planner based at Chicago, wedding planning is as exciting as it is challenging and stressful, since it is quite taxing on the couples not only from a financial standpoint, but also emotional. And this is where the couple is really tested, she adds.
Wedding planners, thanks to all the time they get to spend with the couple, know all the patterns that confirm a wedding isn’t going to work. And if you are curious to know the telltale signs that a wedding isn’t going to work, check out these points below.
The couple looks really unhappy
Planning and executing a wedding certainly takes a toll on both physical and emotional levels of a person. It isn’t, therefore, surprising that a lot of couples see the wedding day as more of a relief than anything else. And while that might be understandable to some extent, if the groom and bride really look unhappy, it is definitely not a good sign for the road ahead. Wedding planners point out that if the couple doesn’t exchange those loving gazes or romantic gestures on their big day, the marriage is most likely to fail sooner than later.
The couple doesn’t greet the guests together
A wedding is attended by a lot of guests and one needs to attend to and greet every guest. Most couples carry out this exercise together. However, if they decide to do this separately, it isn’t exactly a good sign for their marriage according to the wedding planners.
According to Kelly Dellinger, a leading wedding planner, watching couples greet guests separately is heartbreaking. She goes on to cite an example where she once came across a groom who ignored his bride all night just to chainsmoke outside! According to her, such behavior clearly shows disrespect towards their new life partner and is a really bad sign for their married life.
An ex attends the wedding – uninvited
There is surely nothing wrong with your partner staying friends with their ex, and there isn’t a good reason why one cannot extend a wedding invitation to him or her if the person is still a friend. However, there is one cave-at: All three have to be on the same page regarding this. According to a Toronto-based wedding planner Maria Vella, if either of the spouse’s ex shows up at the wedding uninvited or without their partner knowing about it, it is a big red flag that the marriage isn’t exactly going to be a smooth road for the couple.
Both families don’t get along with each other well
It is okay to have a mother-in-law who doesn’t love one as their mother does. But it is quite clear that if the two families aren’t fond of each other or if either of the families doesn’t approve of the wedding, it is a terrible sign for the marriage. According to New York-based event planner Abeki Carter, there are a ton of conflicts that usually arise because of either of the families, and it is a big red flag according to her. It could be something as trivial as the in-laws meddling with the wedding planning, but it isn’t a good sign nevertheless.
The couple isn’t interested in sitting near each other
According to most wedding planners, it all boils to how closely the couple wants to sit to each other during their wedding that is going to decide the fate of their marriage. She goes on to add that she noticed that the couples who were really fond of each other would sit close to each other, share food, laugh, and enjoy talking to each other. They were in a completely different world, while the rest of the proceedings went on around them.
On the other hand, there are weddings where the couples are sitting on the opposite side of the table! And if they are not being able to appreciate the first time they sit together as husband and wife by sitting next to each other, they will really find it tough to do so later in their married life.
They are rude towards the wedding staff in general
Another common sign that the marriage isn’t going to work well is how the couple treats the wedding staff. If they aren’t kind to the wedding staff who are working tirelessly to make their wedding the most beautiful day of their life, chances are they are going to treat their marriage the same way. A Reddit user shared one such occasion where the couple had zero respect for him and his colleagues. They not only “expect more every time”, despite everything being almost perfect, but they also went crazy on the wedding staff later in the night. The wedding planner further adds that the wedding staff gave their marriage six months at best; the couple separated after just four!
The couples’ focus is more on drinking than the actual wedding itself
Obviously, you are expected to have a good time at your wedding – after all, it is your wedding! However, if either of the two ends up drinking way more than they normally should, it is a clear sign that the marriage is expected to be in the doldrums. According to wedding planner Kristina Savina, if you find your partner throwing up even before the ceremony is barely over, you should seriously ask yourself “why?”
They end up spending so much that they end up in debt
While you certainly should spend a whole lot of money on your wedding, you should only do it as long as you can afford it. Just to have that high-end, perfect wedding, you shouldn’t push yourself into debt. At least it isn’t a wise choice as far as the success of your future is concerned.
Wedding planner Emily Reno agrees with this point and adds that splurging way beyond one’s means for just your wedding isn’t the right thing to do, as your married life hasn’t even begun yet. Starting a marriage with a truckload of debt isn’t an ideal way to start a marriage. In fact, it is the perfect recipe for a disaster, she notes.
Either party is way too nervous on the wedding day
A wedding is a serious thing, and it is quite normal for couples to get nervous just before the wedding. However, way too much nervousness oozing out from either party is definitely not a good sign, according to wedding planners. A lot of nervous signs are a clear signal that the person is worried about something. If you’re drinking bottles of water to calm down panic attacks so that you could at least walk, it is perhaps your gut saying that you shouldn’t be doing this. And this, certainly, isn’t a good sign for the couple.
The couple isn’t interested in the paperwork
We agree that weddings don’t have to be all about paperwork. However, there are certain things that need to be followed, in order to make the marriage an “official” one. So if the couple seems disinterested in carrying out the event of the most basic paperwork, the pair might not be meant for each other. Most marriage licenses are only available for a certain time period before they expire. For instance, New York’s marriage license is only good for sixty days post the date of the issue. So, being ready with paperwork and filing it on time makes sure that you don’t have to go through the same process all over again.
One Reddit user, who is a wedding planner and an officiant, shared a very interesting story. She shares that once she forgot to ask for signatures for a couple’s marriage license, so she requested the bride, who said she doesn’t need it as they haven’t gotten their license yet and that she and her husband will do it in a legal way another day. Our wedding planner found out a few months later that the woman was now with her husband’s best friend, and now they are engaged! So, a couple dilly-dallying on signing the paperwork is a good sign that the marriage isn’t really going to last long.
They continue to brag about how much everything at the wedding costs
When either party starts bragging about how much everything at the wedding costs, it a telltale sign that their focus is not on the wedding, but somewhere else. A wedding planner on Reddit shared how at one wedding, the bride started telling the guests “to shut up and be grateful” as the venue cost a lot and that the cake was high-end, which they should be thankful for! The wedding planner shared that at that point, he was quite certain that this relationship was certainly not going to last long.
They are overly critical about every aspect of the wedding
It is quite common for the groom to be disconnected with how the wedding is planned, and even being disinterested is alright to some extent. However, the real problem arises when the bride or groom get overly critical about the process, or complain a lot. It is a clear indicator that there are underlying issues that need to be resolved, which is not a good sign for their marriage life later on.
One partner actively dismisses serious requests of the other
Compromise is what most weddings are all about. However, if either party goes against the serious requests of the other, it is a big and clear indicator that things are not going to be smooth later.
A wedding planner shared on Reddit how a bride warned the groom multiple times that if he throws cake in her face, she would not accept that. Despite her serious requests, when the groom’s friends found out about it and egged on the groom to do it anyway – he did smash cake in the bride’s face. The wedding planner notes that the bride annulled the wedding!
One partner is completely disinterested in the details
While it is understandable if a person doesn’t want to be bogged down by details on their wedding. It simply means that they are more focused on spending life with the person they love. However, if either party is completely disinterested in the details, it can be a bad sign for the couple.
According to most wedding planners, if a partner doesn’t show any kind of interest or enthusiasm in the planning meeting, the marriage is doomed to fail. For instance, a person may not be interested in discussing the merits and demerits of having certain flowers at the wedding, but it is important that you stay supportive and engaged throughout the meeting.
A Reddit user who happened to be a wedding planner, shared that quite too often grooms just take out their phone and roll their eyes at a planning meeting. She goes on to say that such behavior hurts the bride and shows that the wedding isn’t really an important event for the groom.
The couple is too focused on the minor details
While it is certainly a good thing to be prepared for the wedding and see to it that everything is organized as per your wish, being way too much involved in the details can be a recipe for disaster as well. Most wedding planners agree that couples who are focused on even the slightest of details about their wedding don’t really last long.
Robert Tesar, a leading wedding planner shares that the most obvious sign that the marriage isn’t going to last long is when the couple is too bogged down by the physical details instead of being happy and excited about the fact that they will be together as a couple from now on.
Families are bogged down by the details, too
While it is one thing for the couple to be engrossed in the finest of details about their wedding, but when the families are bogged down by the wedding details to a level that can be called obsession, it is a very big red flag!
A wedding venue coordinator shared on Reddit how one bride was absolutely in love with the venue and after three months she had booked it, she said she needs to cancel the venue as the groom’s parents were not okay with the place.
The couple doesn’t communicate in an effective manner
It is quite unlikely that a couple will agree on every minute detail about their wedding, but the happy couples are the ones that actually talk through such things in an effective manner – and that matters.
According to wedding planners, couples always disagree on multiple things concerning their wedding. However, most of them talk through it effectively. When either party refuses to compromise and wants it done their way, it is a recipe for disaster.