17 Things Couples Learned Before Divorcing
Getting married is a huge step that shouldn’t be taken lightly. But despite so many people taking that step forward and walking down the aisle, roughly 50 percent of marriages in the US end with a divorce.
With this in mind, there should be more considerations in mind when tying the knot lest you become part of the statistics. So here are some things to consider from couples who wished they did things differently to keep the relationship together rather than settling for a divorce.
Have Solo Elements To The Relationship
Especially when it comes to happiness. Some people see relationships as sort of achievements or prizes. Once you’re in one, it’s the others responsibility to make you happy. That is a terrible mindset to have as relationships are about being together, but also being apart and being able to do your own thing.
With this in mind, your partner isn’t wholly responsible for making you happy. You are just as responsible for it.
It’s Better To Talk About Feelings
Communication is everything and part of that communication should be discussing feelings. Letting feelings stay bottled up is terrible and can create rifts between the two. Even if your partner isn’t directly responsible for those feelings, they can be a victim too. Remember that when you are facing issues, they are dealing with your problems too.
Make a point of discussing issues, even if the conversation is rough. Letting it off your chest is better than playing it cool and handling problems solo sometimes.
Have More Accountability
It’s natural for us to shift the blame and ignore their part in relationships sometimes. That being said, these often lead to regrets where one wishes they were more accountable back then. Remember that when we shift the blame or point fingers it creates more conflict than actually addressing the issue at hand.
Not Arguing Isn’t Always A Sign Of A Healthy Marriage
Whenever we see couples fighting we think the relationship is terrible, but even the couples who aren’t fighting aren’t always the best either. In some cases it can be the calm before the storm.
When you get married, make a point of doing marriage counselling. Unless you’ve been together for several years, this type of counselling can potentially save a marriage, as couples learn how to better communicate and solve problems together.
Sure, it might seem like a waste of time, but these measures are like setting up a smoke detector. It’s better to have those in place before a fire starts, rather than during one.
Take Couple Counselling Seriously
But even when you are going to couple counselling, it doesn’t always mean you are challenging yourself. I can imagine many of you rolled your eyes at the idea and you don’t think you need it. That sort of attitude doesn’t help as people can get into a cycle where they use those methods, but then get lulled into a false sense of security, stop doing the things that improved their marriage, and run into the same issues they faced before.
Don’t Get Matching Tattoos
Sure getting matching tattooa is cute, but those sorts of things create complications if you ever get divorced. The tattoo can serve as a painful reminder of how foolish you were or past regrets. While the gesture is cute, it’s better to avoid names of people you’ve dated or married before or things that remind you of those previous people.
Set Boundaries With The In-Laws
In-laws can play a big role in marriages and in some cases can ruin them if left unchecked. This is especially true if the in-laws hate your guts and think their child could do better.
While in this situations you might think the in-laws are to blame, various therapists and relationship experts say it’s actually just your partner not setting boundaries and standing up for the other. In so many situations, many couples wish they stood up to their parents when it came to these issues and set boundaries.
Make Having Children A Bigger Deal
What’s an even bigger decision is whether or not to have kids. Sure when you’re together it can be a hassle, but children stuck between a divorce can be harsh and cumbersome as well. There are a lot of struggles raising a kid as a single father or mother and it’s a point of regret for divorced couples.
Think More When You Combine Finances
While everyone has different views of money, it’s generally assumed once you’re married you have joint accounts. This creates a lot of issues in the cases of divorces because the money isn’t always a 50/50 split.
Sometimes you can save a lot of headaches when you have separate accounts. Even if you’re married, having separate accounts will help for all kinds of reasons.
Don’t Forget To Prioritize Family Too
While many of us can get immersed in work, it’s important to know that these focuses have costs to them. Focus on one thing too much and everything else around you will start to crumble. Relationships included.
Make a point of spending time with your family whether it’s only your partner or your partner and kids. Either way that quality time can provide a lot of relief, since we are social creatures and other people have a way of bringing us back down to earth.
Being Impartial Or Not Clear Is Not Good
Couples sometimes need breaks from one another and mutually agree to live separate for some time. Leading up to those events, it’s worth considering your view of the relationship at that point.
Why is that?
Well, if you’re not clear about your reasoning behind this, it sometimes leaves room for people to get back together. And sometimes that’s not the best for a relationship, especially if you are thinking about going separate ways.
Instead, make your intentions clear about separating and getting back together. Until then, keep your distance until you know both of you are willing to make this work again.
Listen To Your Gut More
Your gut feelings are very powerful and are worth listening to, along with what your partner is saying. When you don’t focus on your own feelings, many couples are prone to not seeing the signs that they are incompatible with whom they married.
Make a point of reading the relationship more before jumping into marriage. Often, we are wrapped up in the emotions to notice problems.
Take Breaks From Social Media More
We love spending time on social media, but sometimes it can be a massive sink and can put strains on relationships. Whether you are the type to post a bunch of couple selfies or not, we can turn to social media for our own validation, rather than turning to our partner for support.
If Divorce Is Inevitable, You Can Always End It Civilly
A lot of people get wrapped up in the emotions and think divorces are ugly, messy and brutal. It’s easy to get into that negative mindset and start burning down bridges without really considering other options.
What’s ironic about that is getting into that mindset often turns into people regretting those decisions. After all, they fail to realize that divorces could have been done with more civility than what we are used to seeing.
Divorce Doesn’t Always Mean Freedom
While some people see divorce as an option to get rid of someone, a divorce is a more painful process than a simple break up. Often times people lose a lot more through divorces than they realize as people are more focused on a few things that will change.
Remember that your partner isn’t just your partner. They were your family, and your best friend too. Even if you have no regrets and you left on good terms, a divorce can still be heart-wrenching.
Get It Done Sooner
A divorce is a big step and shouldn’t be taken lightly. That being said, some people wish they got to this decision much sooner rather than considering it later when things got more complicated.
Think More About Marriage
One of the problems with the western world is that we get married very quickly. We may go out for three years before considering tying the knot. This can lead to a lot of problems and the lessons above to occur.
So whether you are in a loving relationship or have been divorced, do make marriage a bigger deal than it already is. Forget about the arrangements, but instead focus on what marriage actually means and whether that’s something worth doing. Especially with your significant other.