5 Tips For Preventing a Divorce

When you’ve been married for a while, you don’t always pick up on the signals that your significant other is unhappy. Or at the very least, you assume the root of the problem is not your relationship. This is why most feel completely shocked whenever their spouse announces he/she wants to separate or even file for divorce. How would you respond if this happened to you? Is there a way to prevent the marriage from being doomed?

If this is something that has happened to you, but you’d like to make one last-ditch attempt to save the marriage, here are 5 strategies you can try.

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1. Stay composed

Although finding out unexpectedly that your spouse wants to end things can be an extremely stressful experience. However, you should not respond in an irrational way. Don’t storm out of the room. Avoid going on the attack. Take a deep breath and give yourself some time to let it sink in. Perhaps they are looking to gauge your reaction, and if you respond in a reasonable, thoughtful way, they might be open to solutions other than separation or divorce.

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2. Don’t make it worse

Keep this in mind: when your spouse has decided to break the news that they want to end the marriage, it’s not something they took lightly. They no doubt feel very emotional about it. They probably even feel guilty. After all, you’ve built up memories together over the years, and on your wedding day you both had assumed it would last forever. But the fact that he/she knows you’ll be hurt doesn’t give you the right to put salt in the wound. Playing the victim card isn’t going to make them change their mind. If anything, it will make them want to get out of the house (or give you the boot) as quickly as possible. Express that you want to give this one more chance, and ask him/her to take some time to reconsider.

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3. Figure out what steps you can take to become a better person

In all likelihood, your spouse is making the decision to separate or divorce because there are certain things about you that he/she considers major shortcomings. You might not have even recognized these were major issues or were simply in denial about how bad things had become. Allow her to address her concerns and criticisms and take the necessary steps to improve yourself. This might mean seeking therapy or, if substance abuse is an issue, participating in a rehabilitation program. The fact that she sees you taking steps and getting help might persuade her to give you one more chance.

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4. Give separation a try

You might not like that he/she is thinking of ending the marriage, but this doesn’t mean you have to be bitter or immature about it. In fact, even if you can’t convince your spouse to stay with you, allowing them to test out what separation is like might ultimately be the thing that changes their mind about divorce. Give them the space that they need. Allow them to figure out their new living situation. Find loving, supporting things to do for them and for the family as a whole. For instance, if the marriage involves children, make sure you make arrangements for them to spend time with both parents.

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5. Ask if they are open to marriage counseling

In some situations, when a spouse asks for a divorce they automatically assume that it is something their partner wants as well. So when you express your wish to work on the marriage and take all of the necessary steps to bring back the love and passion, it might take them by surprise and it opens up the possibility that they’ll reconsider. One of the most important things you can suggest is marriage counseling both as a couple and individually. A marriage counselor will help you identify all of the problems in your marriage and tell you what needs to happen in order to make it work again. The sessions might not always make you comfortable — in fact, you will probably end up revealing a lot of things that you would rather not — but if you’re sincere about saving the marriage, you need to be honest and straightforward. And most of all, you need to be willing to take the counselor’s solutions to heart.